dietchola:

do twin boys have the same penis size?

twistedviper:

whorusszahhak:

perfectionistdia:

whorusszahhak:

don’t ever take me on a date to an aquarium because i will ignore you and spend the whole time looking at the fish

But, if you think about it, that’s all the more reason to go. The person you’re dating gets to sit back and watch you smile and have fun. All the while, he/she’s falling deeper in love with you.

thatS REALLY CUTE IM GONNA CRY

(Source: fefarielle)

andrvw:

my friend just called his daughter “what’s her face”

deucebowl:

she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

shakespeares-sisters:

i’m weird ok

but when i say i’m weird i don’t mean like your cute and quirky girlfriend

i mean fucking weird 

(Source: dickflavouredsoup)

hallelujahoran:

can i hire ed sheeran to write my english papers

(Source: millingur)

rnemes:

gudnam:

gudnam:

 i hate mac and cheese

i just lost a follower

u deserved it

pursuitofhavok:

youwishangelfish:

Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.

It’d never be anything I’d want to hear.