dietchola: do twin boys have the same penis size?
twistedviper: whorusszahhak: perfectionistdia: whorusszahhak: don’t ever take me on a date to an aquarium because i will ignore you and spend the whole time looking at the fish But, if you think about it, that’s all the more reason to go. The person you’re dating gets to sit back and watch you smile and have fun. All the while, he/she’s falling deeper in love with you. thatS REALLY...
andrvw: my friend just called his daughter “what’s her face”
deucebowl: she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
shakespeares-sisters: i’m weird ok but when i say i’m weird i don’t mean like your cute and quirky girlfriend i mean fucking weird
hallelujahoran: can i hire ed sheeran to write my english papers
my mom: you do realize that one day you will have to pay for all your own things
me: yes but today is not that day
rnemes: gudnam: gudnam: i hate mac and cheese i just lost a follower u deserved it
pursuitofhavok: youwishangelfish: Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you. It’d never be anything I’d want to hear.
biggietoosmalls: if you dont imagine what it’d be like waking up next to Niall and hearing his groggy morning voice and his super thick accent, scooting closer to him so he can wrap his arms around you and kiss your forehead. i don’t know what you’re doing.
t3sticl3z: i hate when guys say “wow its ssooOO unattractive when girls swear. thats not lady like” U KNOW WHAT, YOU LITTLE FUCK ITS NOT ATTRACTIVE WHEN U SCRATCH UR FUCKIN HAIRY NUTS IN PUBLIC BITCH
foxnewsofficial: why don’t birds ever shut up i bet they’re talking about me
rungar: skippractice: maybe she’s barn with it maybe it’s neighbelline that horse has nicer hair than me
Person: it's just a TV show.
Me: YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING TV SHOW.
thechamberofsecrets: people who say hot cocoa instead of hot chocolate make me uncomfortable
apatheticghost: what i learned from school im a fucking piece of shit everybody else is also a fucking piece of shit mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
someone telling me to calm down when I was already calm unleashes a fury that not even hell can contain